Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Life - it's not good right now.

My last journal entry:

April 3 - 12:30am

We are: Livin' our love song

Daniel: at work - engine driver {happiness}

Me: decompressing

JD: out cold

Cambria: lightly sleeping, eagerly anticipating her early morning trip in here to snuggle with me

Gabe: probably feeling his tummy rumbling and will be waking up any minute

Life = it's good.

A few short weeks later, with my world crumbling and shaken, I look at the carefree joy of that entry and wonder how we could have been so - well, carefree.

Life is not good now. It is precious, though. It is precious in a way I never would have known without losing a child.

Life is not good now. It is a gift, though. It's a gift that I am cherishing and treasuring, clinging to, yet holding with open hands.

Life is not good now. It is fragile. It's frail. It's not guaranteed. It may be given for a moment, for a week, for a month, for four months.

Life isn't good right now. Life is sweet, though, and precious, a fragile gift.


  1. Oh Hayley, it's going to take time. I am praying and praying. Love ya.

  2. Even with tears running down my face, I'm scared beyond measure.....of imagining your pain. And once this searing pain burrows down to your core, it's there to stay. Pain - your new companion. I'm so, so sorry that your Gabe has been taken from your arms.

    Your son is in a children's choir now....he has a voice....perhaps he gets to sit next to one of mine.

    May Christ guard your heart...your husband's heart....your childrens' you walk into many days of anger.

    ...and may you hide in the shadow of His wings...

    -Tamara L.
    Montrose, CO

  3. Hayley,

    As I sit here and cry....not imagining the pain...but at the same time knowing that it is blogs like yours that I kept going to as I tried to find my new normal and continue to find my new normal. Keep writing Hayley you are an inspiration! May God be with each member of your family as you continue down this road of finding a new normal....I love ya Hayley!