Or does it just seem completely different now?
Some stuff is piercing; crushing. I don't understand. I haven't studied. But it's hard to know. . . is this a broken promise?
. . .those who seek the Lord shall not lack any good thing. . .
God?
Gabe was a good thing . . . .
More tears to swallow yesterday morning hearing those promises out of Psalm 34. . .
Later.
Someday.
Light?
Understanding?
Comprehension?
Maybe only eternity will answer the cries of my heart.
I know enough about God to know that He is the definition of Love. Love doesn't break promises. So. . . I just don't understand His hand right now, I guess.
But look at this.
Wrapping my heart around this.
Clinging. Knowing. Living this.
If I say
surely the darkness shall cover me
even the night
shall be light all around me
. . .the darkness does not hide from Thee
. . .the darkness and the light
are both alike to Thee
from Psalm 139:11,12
He isn't hiding from our darkness.
He knows how dark it is.
He is with me in the dark.
And I love Him for that.
Oh Hayley....it is so hard to understand some stuff...the why God....His word...the reason. Here is a scripture that I put in an update about Curtis yesterday that I wanted to share with you.
ReplyDelete2 Corinthians 4:5- 7 (The Message) "Remember, our Message is not about ourselves; we're proclaiming Jesus Christ, the Master. All we are is messengers, errand runners from Jesus for you. It started when God said, "Light up the darkness!" and our lives filled up with light as we saw and understood God in the face of Christ, all bright and beautiful. If you only look at us, you might well miss the brightness. We carry this precious Message around in the unadorned clay pots of our ordinary lives. That's to prevent anyone from confusing God's incomparable power with us. As it is, there's not much chance of that. You know for yourselves that we're not much to look at. We've been surrounded and battered by troubles, but we're not demoralized; we're not sure what to do, but we know that God knows what to do; we've been spiritually terrorized, but God hasn't left our side; we've been thrown down, but we haven't broken. What they did to Jesus, they do to us—trial and torture, mockery and murder; what Jesus did among them, he does in us—he lives! Our lives are at constant risk for Jesus' sake, which makes Jesus' life all the more evident in us. While we're going through the worst, you're getting in on the best!"
I love ya girlfriend!
You are beyond amazing. I love you.
ReplyDeleteAmen, Sweet Sister! He can handle our darkest hour. He is your light and you are doing good.
ReplyDeleteI stumbled on your blog via a friend of a friend...I am so sorry for your loss. I know words can't do anything but I couldn't not say something. Prayers going up for you right now even though I don't know you.
ReplyDeleteAnd, you have a beautiful family. I love your firefighting pic of your hubby.
*hugs* Praying for healing, comfort and hope amidst the darkness.
ReplyDeletePraise God that there is no darkness in Him...even when we can't see the light. Praying for you Hayley and your precious family!
ReplyDeleteI read this the other day and thought of you.
And now, God, do it again—bring rains to our drought-stricken lives So those who planted their crops in despair will shout hurrahs at the harvest, So those who went off with heavy hearts will come home laughing, with armloads of blessing. Psalm 126:2-5 (the message)
Praying that the tears sown in the darkness will someday bring forth a harvest of joy.
Hayley,
ReplyDeleteI so appreciate your honesty and openness in your posts. I cannot begin to understand what you are going through, but I can pray. I have been praying for you and your family and won't stop.
The verses you mention are some of the ones that have taken on new meaning for me recently as well as I deal with a new level of chronic pain.
When God says He will not withhold any good thing-then this means that being pain-free is NOT a good thing for me right now. When He says He gives good gifts-then the pain is His GOOD GIFT to me right now. As such, I must thank and glorify Him. I'm not saying this is easy-it most certainly is not easy and I struggle so much.
Similarly, while Gabe is a good gift to you and your family, so is his home going. No matter how hard days and nights are or get and no matter how hard it is to understand, God is sovereign. He has a purpose in all He does and allows. Sometimes, He chooses to show us His purpose...and sometimes, we must simply trust and wait.
No matter the depth of suffering we feel, God knows and upholds.
Praying for you!