Tuesday, November 9, 2010


Thanks, God, for not letting the snow come . . .

my heart isn't ready for it yet. . .

Taking a meal to a couple who just welcomed their first child. . .

JD: Why do ya take people food when they have babies?

Me: Cuz then you don't have to cook, you can just cuddle with your baby.

Cambria: Well, God gets to cuddle with our baby.  {Loved that.}

Painting and painting and painting.  Trying to see the investment potential.  Feeling very immature and short sighted.  Just wanting it to pay me now.  Cambria: We going to the dirty house? JD: Cambria, don't call it the dirty house, besides, our other house is dirty too. {True words, my son.}  She's calling it the "wental" now.

Contemplating the heavy load on the shoulders of working moms.  This project is so voluntary for me; I enjoy it, but it's my choice.  It's enlightening to me to realize how the hours of labor away suck all of my enthusiasm  from my real home.  Here becomes drudgery, a drag, so hard at the end of a long day.  I look forward to the next few weeks of being here at home and the joy that comes from being here.

Trying to sort out what is real grief in Cambria and what is manipulation.  Yuck.  Who wants to psychoanalyze that?

Emerging just a little back into the world of being aware of others needs and to the overwhelming hurt and pain in the lives of people.  Life is hard.  I'm not the only one suffering. 

Cringed when someone told me several weeks ago. . .hey, the old Hayley is back! because I don't think she's ever coming back.  I am a different person.  Don't know that I'd even want to go back to the naive, glibly I'm a Christian, life is amazing when you obey God way of looking at life.  Life is pretty much not amazing like 72% of the time. I'm learning that God's gifts of those beautiful moments of joy are just that:  gifts. Gifts to give me a taste of the Giver of life, the Giver of eternal life. 

Thankful for a faithful man in a world of cheap thrills and temptation.  I love you, babe - you rock.

Enjoying a young guy sharing our dinner table on Wednesday nights before all the whirl of activities begins. . . the kids are lovin' Henry and my cooking is being challenged above and beyond Totinos or Cheerios before we dash out the door.  Planning.  It's all about planning.

Tickled to death that I escaped jury duty.  I think it had more to do with the fact that the trial was cancelled than the five different ways I said my husband was a firefighter and I had very good friends in law enforcement.

Savoring some special lunch dates with some amazing girlfriends lately. . . I am so blessed.

Phone calls from my sisters. . . I love love love how connected we are.  Warm fuzzies all over to know what each one is doing and know they care about me.  If you don't have a sister. . . oh, I am so sorry for you.

Tentatively planning some Christmas stuff. . . feeling so thankful for the ideas God has showed me to include Gabe. . . like still hanging his stocking. . . and filling it. . . and then giving it. . . to a little person still here.  And so glad for my ongoing tradition of choosing a different color every year to theme our Christmas decor around. . . yep, this year we are going to have an Orange Christmas.

Scared for Thanksgiving. . . weird. . . one of my favorite holidays. . . I know exactly which moment will be the hardest.  Tears pool now, just thinking about it.  Each one of us, around Mom and Dad's long table, taking turns saying what we are thankful for this year. That will be hard. 

Learning to let my man pursue his dreams. . . realizing how often women and their insecurities hold their husbands back from doing what they love.  Ugh, don't wanna be that woman.  Easier said than done.

Learning a ton from our Bible Study this year. . . on peacemaking and living out the gospel in our relationships.  It is so stretching.

Eating terribly. Sleeping terribly.  Knowing this needs to change.

Loving loving loving our junior high kids this year. . . they are just too fun and so refreshing.

Still  reaping healing and more healing from our weekend in Georgia. . . so thankful for everything God did there.  I will write a book post on that soon.

Thankful that God is God and knowing He is big enough to meet every need in my heart.

Shamelessly copied this random thoughts idea from Wendi, over at Everyday Miracles. She really deserves a whole post, but true to the random thought idea, let me say this. . . childhood friend; beautiful woman; real, real, real; someone who has walked this road of grief before me; amazing photographer; blogger before it was cool; in love with Jesus.


  1. I have been checking daily to see if you have blogged. I was excited to pull up your blog this morning and read all of the wonderful things you are doing. You are such an AMAZING gal ;) Prayers and hugs for you today and always!
    By the way- I'm SUPER jealous, I don't have a sister :( It's nice to know that you are so close to your sisters!

  2. O Hayley... this made me cry... praying for you. May you feel God near today.

  3. Thank you for sharing so vividly--- acts, thoughts and conversations. God is using you and I am blessed.

  4. I loved the part about letting your man pursue his dreams. My hubby is wanting to get promoted to Capt. It has involved him going back to school five days at a time, plus his normal shifts. Ugh. But God is getting me through. It makes me appreciate him more when he is here, because I think I have such an independent spirit especially when it comes to shiftwork.

    It sounds like a level of acceptance is happening, but the grieving will be a process, probably one that will never be fully healed until you hold him again in your arms.

    You are right, life is not hunky dory just because you are a Christian. I think God allows trials purposely so that we can have the oppurtunity to shine in this dark world. You have shined, Dear One!

  5. yes! you are a shining star!! God needs more people just like you to show this world that even when things aren't hunky dory HE will carry us through. hugs...

  6. Wow, I can imagine that Thanksgiving is going to be really hard for you this year.... praying for extra comfort from the Lord!

    Thank you for sharing; you remind about what is real in this world and what is most important.

    Life IS hard. I used to think life was all peachy too but thankfully I've grown up a little since my teenage years..... and realized that Christians do suffer, some very greatly.

    I have friends in WA who just lost their 8th child... they now have 7 precious babies in Heaven. I know their grief is overwhelming. My heart physically aches for them and the losses they have endured. I beg God for mercy and pray that He will give them a family here on this earth.

  7. Loved this post. Such true word my friend!

  8. You are so sweet.
    Changing of seasons... can be hard. Real seasons and figurative seasons. You want healing, but part of you wants to just stay right here... so you won't forget. It pains my heart to remember that dichotomy of emotions. Reaching forward...holding back.
    When the snow comes, God will give a special grace to make you ready for it.

  9. Wow, this is so profound. Thank you for being so real Haley. I love when you post.

  10. I love random posts! (This one, no exception.)

    I'll be praying for special grace for you on Thanksgiving.