some people shouldn't upgrade their phones

I have owned one of those military-grade gunmetal grey cell phones that you can dunk in water and throw across the room (not that I would ever do that) for about . . .forever.

Daniel graciously upgraded my phone in a big way about three weeks ago; I'd requested unlimited texting but I got a lot lot more and it's been getting me into big trouble ever since.

The touch screen is mind boggling.  I moved apps to my home page without even knowing how I did it.  I am so so so not a techie and Jacob deftly sent my first few texts for me.

Then I proceeded to almost send my niece a happy birthday message in which the auto correct changed "miss you" to &#!####.

After that I switched all of my texting to Spanish.  I would type "would" and it would say:  "add 'would' to dictionary?"  (Why was the question in English?  I don't know.  That's why it took me so long to figure out that I'd changed the language to Spanish. Er, Espanol. Si, si.)

During this time, Daniel also got a new phone which he instantly hated and has since returned.  But not before he missed about 47 business phone calls because he couldn't hear the ringer and managed to stand up my brother's family for a dinner date. 

About one week into the tele-honeymoon, I discovered voice texting.  Wow, what an invention.  Press the speaker button, talk, and press send.  I was suddenly in love with my phone.

There have been a few problems with this. 

The first one that comes to mind was when I asked Jacob to do something and he didn't respond.  When pressed, he said "Oh, sorry Mom,  I thought you were voice texting."

Well, then, since I can't "touch text"  it also makes me the butt of my friends' jokes because they get to watch stuff like this. 

Is Loren coming?

I don't know.

Hayley, can you text her?

Me: (trying to type. failing.  give up. hold phone to face and enunciate clearly) "HI  LOOREN.  I HOPE YOU COME BECAUSE ITS ALWAYS MORE FUN IF YOU ARE THERE."

(Friends laugh uproariously because it looks quite weird.)


Voice texting has gotten me into trouble with Daniel, too.

Some of Cambria's little friends were coming to our house and I was originally supposed to pick them up.  I was doing a little clarifying via voice text in the kitchen:

So you are picking Camille up then, not me?

Daniel, from dining room:  "What?  I didn't even know I was supposed to."

Me:  "What, Daniel?"

"I didn't know I was supposed to pick Camille up.  I didn't even know she was coming."

Me:  "You aren't supposed to pick her up.  What are you talking about?!!"

Daniel, a little exasperated.  "Hayley I just heard you clearly say, So you are picking Camille up then, not me."

Ohhhhhhhhh.  Right.  I did say that.  To my phone.


And hopefully. . . this is the last embarrassing texting story for a long long time:

On a gorgeous Wednesday night Deeann and I are charging around the Y outdoor trails and Daniel texts me that I should enjoy my time and the kids are all asleep.

I don't want to voice text because I don't want Deeann to keep making fun of me so I try to text him back "okay."  Or rather "OK."

WHAAAMMMP.

Suddenly I am nearly knocked flat.

By a gangster?

Wildlife?

Another walker?

Nope.


I ran right into a metal bollard.


And I repeat, some people should never upgrade their phones.