Short Story:
Someone special listened to the prompting of the Holy Spirit and gave the gift of a marriage retreat to two very unwilling, doubting people (that would be us.)
We didn't want to go.
Georgia is a long way from home.
What would we do with the kids?
We can't postpone the great annual family canoe trip!
We fought about flying vs. driving.
We almost didn't go.
Deep down we were both so afraid that we would go with this tiny seed of hope that God might heal our hearts and our marriage and then be disappointed.
More disappointment - my heart can't take any more.
But. . .
God took all of our excuses away.
We went.
He met us there.
I saw the gentler side of the Hand of a loving Father.
For the first time since May. . . my heart knows that God is still so good.
It is overwhelming to put into words.
I will write more.
But I couldn't wait any longer.
So grateful to each one who made the world stop for us and showed us what Heaven must be like.
I'm so glad you were able to go. If anyone needed a marriage retreat, it would be you. They say many couples divorce after losing a child because they can't handle each other's grief. So sad. The times you should be clinging to one another, instead become misunderstandings and turmoil. This happened to my Aunt who gave birth to a stillborn at 38 weeks. She wanted to talk, grieve, have a funeral, hubby just wanted to move on and shut down. It destroyed their marriage.
ReplyDeleteThank the Lord, you were smart enough to go and PTL for someone to financially support you. What a huge blessing.
I have voiced that very thought many times during grief in my life, but in a different way. It is unfathomable when your world stops and everybody just keeps living and going and breathing and even daring to laugh. I always wanted the whole world to stop with me and just grieve. My heart rejoices that you can proclaim that God is still so good. Your little baby boy is singing praises of worship and adoration at the feet of the Lord Jesus, may your voice join his in harmonious praise. I'm thanking the Lord for that special person who allowed your world to stop and give you a glimpse of Heaven.
ReplyDeleteI am glad you went and are feeling so much better now. May God continue to bless you with all his choicest blessings, love and happiness!
ReplyDeleteHayley,
ReplyDeleteI only know just a fraction of the pain you are feeling as well as all the confusing thoughts and anger that accompanies such a great loss. I know how this can destroy marriages....I know! I also know that this is exactly what satan had in store for you and Daniel. BUT I also know that God is greater than any scheme of the enemy. I know that God is able to take the brokenness of our lives and remake it into a vessel for His glory. I know satan wants you to focus on the 'Wednesdays' of your life (starting with Thursday going through until Tuesday!) and not focus on the other six days of joy you have as a life with Gabe. I would even venture to guess that some of those 'joy days' were Wednesdays also. Satan wants to crush you. God won't let it.
When we had our 1st adoption fall through, it was like a death to me. Brent didn't know how to console me. BUT, I was so involved in my own grief that I didn't even notice his or the affect the loss had on my sons. I quickly became far from God-how could that have happened? I allowed my wall to come crumbling down and the enemy ran right in.
I spent almost 3 years in blackness. And like the song goes, when I decided to return to Him, "I saw Him run to me, he took me in his arms, held my head to his chest, and said, 'my son's come home again'..." He totally changed my heart and my life. Like you had said, I found that through all of this, He really was still good. He really did love me.
Hayley, I love you so much! I am so thankful God has surrounded you with such a 'great cloud of witnesses' there in your home town who have upheld you during this time. That have been sensitive to the Holy Spirit and have been the hands of the Father to you and Daniel.
I am so happy for you. I will continue to pray for you.
Love,
Carolyn
Hayley, this made me cry... So, so thankful for this time for you... Sending hugs to a girl I've never even corresponded with, praying for a marriage of a couple we've never even met...
ReplyDeleteI am so glad you and Daniel were able to go, Hayley! What was the conference called? We did a marriage (weekend) retreat when Jarren was little and it was soooo good for us. Can't wait to get together with you again! miss you!
ReplyDeleteSo glad someone gave....in your time of grief and so glad you and Daniel went...in your time of grief....and so glad that you saw...the gentler side of the Hand of a loving Father. He is still so GOOD! Still praying! Can't wait to here more of your awesome experience.
ReplyDeleteAfter reading the above posts, I can't even respond. They hit the nail on the head with EVERYTHING I wanted to say. I pray for you daily and today I will say a special prayer for you and Daniel.
ReplyDelete