Thursday, January 17, 2013

ski trips. then and now.

If I were a fake facebooker, tomorrow morning, at dark o'thirty, I would say this:

long weekend skiing with the fam! 

But the truth is that today was a two pot coffee kinda day and skiing sounds like the least fun activity in the world to me right now.

Fun would be. . . maybe. . . laying in bed reading a book and looking out the window?

Ugh . . .never in a million years did I imagine I would be this boring of a person.

I think have officially arrived at the un-fun mom stage of life.

Definitely channeling the grinch as I prepare for the 8th (?) annual ski trip. 

Then I skiied with my man.

Now I chase my toddler around and pray to God that none of the guys in red medic coats comes in my general direction with one of my kids.

Then it was entertaining to watch the stars align and boy-meets-girl moments.  {one of my sisters really truly met her husband on one of these trips}

Now I'm informed of relationships and I'm like huh?! they're wayyy too young!  What?? I didn't see that coming! And other such nonsense spoken from the depths of the diaper bag masquerading as a Thirty-One bag, looking for that last goldfish cracker.

Then  I googled super yummy show stopping bar recipes to take along for the umpteen hungry guests.

Now I look both ways (hoping no one is looking I guess) and pack today's chocolate chip cookies in gladware.  Everybody still likes chocolate chip cookies, right?

Then I couldn't wait to see friends and catch up and chat with my sisters.

Now - well, I still can't wait to see friends and chat with my sisters, but conversation is more like short bursts of information exchanges. In between  diaper changing  Eli and holding my breath watching my boy ski off the lift, video taping the amazing first skiing moments of Cambria and trying not to eat everyone ELSE'S show stopping bars. . . what conversation????

I told Daniel that I was toying with the idea of not going since the work had far surpassed the fun quotient. 

He informed me that he was definitely feeling that attitude from me.

(insert sad face)

It reminds me of Christmas vacation with Daniel's family.  Late one night we ordered pizza and watched one of the Bourne movies.  I love watching action/suspense when I'm with Daniel and I was actually so excited.  Just as we all settled in, Eli woke up.  I decided I'd take some time and make sure he was all back asleep and I rocked him, cuddled him, kissed him and laid him down.  This took some time.  Just as I left, he started screaming.  That behavior is really unlike him, so I spent more time.  I guess I really lost track, because long story short, when he was finally calmed down and asleep, I rejoined the movie crew.

As I sank into the chair, the last sentence was spoken and the credits started rolling. 

Yep, not gonna lie, I blinked watery eyes tears.  I'm that sister-in -law.

It's hard to be a mom.

It's hard to let go of the crazy fun years.

I love my kids so much. 

I would die for them.

But it's hard for me to cheerfully pack a cooler of snacks and pack and plays and overnight bags and a gargantuan ikea bag of three changes of mittens and every imaginable combination of snowgear. 

Isn't that like our walk with God, too sometimes?

I tell God that I would do anything for Him.

But then I don't want to take the neighbor kids to Awana because they conversationally told me they'd had the flu going around.

I glibly think that I will always take the side of Jesus.

And then I hesitate to speak His name.

I'll die.

I just don't want to cheerfully pack.

But for now, He isn't asking me to die, He's asking me to cheerfully pack.

And then there's the fact that in my minds eye, I really really really wanna be a fun mom.  You know, the kind that lets her son's hungry friends come over and just orders one two three extra pizzas. 

The kind that stays up late and listens to a fifteen year old girl's endless boy/will-i-be-single-forever/am-i-pretty drama, on her knees beside a tearsoaked pillow.

The kind who says YES let's go bowling!

The kind who doesn't quit wearing makeup or looking cute even though it's a bit harder than at age 24.

The kind that goes to skiing trips.

And just so you know, I was just describing my mom, who will be there tomorrow. Probably skiing.


I have now effectively psyched myself up for the weekend.

We're going skiing with the fam!


  1. I TOTALLY feel you, Hayley. This is how I've felt about our last two family beach trips. After the nightmare trip two years ago (my first with baby Camryn, and a shocking jolt into how un-fun and totally DIFFERENT vacation can be when you have a baby to care for!) I seriously considered not going last year. In the end, I went, but it wasn't the same. I had to stay back from the 11:00 mini-golfing. The evening/night trips to Funland with everyone was attended by either Nick OR me - but never both (which kind of defeated the fun), because of course somebody had to stay back at the hotel with the (hopefully sleeping) babies. It was okay. It was just very, very different. I think acceptance comes in letting go of expectations, realizing different is okay, and especially realizing that this is just for a season. Thanks so much for your honest post! ~Lara

  2. Amen to that. Amen to ALL of that. I just "did" my hair for the first time this week. "Doing" my hair today involved AIR drying it, brushing it. And a headband. My youngest is going through an "I never want to sleep - even in the middle of the night" stage... even though he's turning three in a month. And all the while, I constantly remind myself -- 20 years from now -- I WILL miss these times. Have fun skiing with the fam. :)

  3. I wish I was going with you.... I have had an incredible desire to learn how to ski even tho I am not a cold weather person at all!

  4. After living out of suitcases for over a month, I am unpacking today (even the make-up bag that sits on the bathrom counter!) & plan to stay on the hostess end of things for awhile! (1 month is my goal!) Just MENTALLY packing for the last trip made me teary. All fun stuff, but oh how weary the prep & time deadlines made me:/ Glad to hear I'm not the only 1 that requires extra coffee to survive it! I KNOW I'm not a cool Mom, but my 3 yr old tells me I am, so for now, that's good enough for me:) And God calls me to be faithful even in the "1st world problems," so I continually strive to please Him & seek forgiveness when I fail. Thanks for sharing!