Wednesday, January 1, 2014

new year.

Hands down, the funniest New Year greeting today was from Tim Hawkins:

To my friends at the NSA, Happy You Near. 

That just made me laugh every time I thought about it.

And over here, in our cozy little house I am saying thank you  for reading and for emailing and for letting me speak into your lives over the last year.  I say this a lot, but it's because I really mean it:  I never thought anyone would actually read what I write, and then you do and I am so humbled and sometimes just so excited. 

I love writing; I live to communicate (just ask my husband); transparency should be my middle name, because secrets just aren't what I do.  Dumping it all out there, that's me!  This is going to change a little as our kids get older;  Jacob reads my blog (and that's fine) and lately he's been asking me to leave him out of my writing.  Of course this cuts my momma heart to the quick (is he hurt? does he feel exploited? have i scarred him?  how much damage have i done?) : but with time I've realized he's really fine, just a little less extroverted than me.  Plus, who wants their mom's friends reading about their growing up blunders?  hello.  not me.  So. . . please be patient with my writing as I seek to balance my own need to document life through words and my children's needs for anonymous growing pains.

And I know I write less: In 2010, 166 posts, 2011: 67, 2012: 59 and last year 58! Gradually decreasing! Before you know it I will just phase out! Actually I've really purposely steered away from daily journaling on this forum.  Lack of time is an easy reason to throw out there, but a larger reason is that I don't want to contribute to the veneered online environment and our culture obsessed with watching others live their stories. 

If I write, if you take the time to read, my deepest hope is that you will see Jesus- and that you will want to live your own story.  If I dump it out there and choose to click that little publish button, I am always taking a deep breath and cringing a little and hoping that my pain speaks to yours, that you will breathe in a tiny bit of hope. 

If so. . . then I'm so grateful.

Thank you for reading, for passing our story on, for all of the encouragement you guys send me. 

So this song:

I first listened to it on a bunk bed in South Africa at 2am, squeezing my little eyes shut and trying desperately not to be scared of the unknowns just over the cement wall outside the windows; trying desperately to catch up to the correct sleep schedule; trying desperately to reconcile everything God was dumping upside down in my own life. I kept backing up the little cursor on the iPod, replaying over and over.  This is my prayer for you, as well:  you have a story.  Happy 2014!

i have a story

that is only mine to tell

i don't wanna make believe

i just need to be myself

i have a mission

that is only mine to fill

fear may try to blind my eyes

but it can never

break my will

there are far, far better things ahead than what i leave behind
                   will You help me find my way?

i'm on a journey

i'm losing who i used to be

i am learning how to die

it's changing every part of me

there are far, far better things ahead than what i leave behind
                   will You help me find my way?
jj heller

Even in literature and art, no man who bothers about originality will ever be original: whereas if you simply try to tell the truth (without caring twopence how often it has been told before) you will, nine times out of ten, become original without ever having noticed it. -CS Lewis

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